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Guaranteed Giggles: Best Man Speech Jokes That Steal the Show

Updated: Jul 8, 2023

Looking for some clean but funny best man speech jokes that you can include in your best man toast or best man speech? We've got a great selection of wedding humor and wedding jokes - suitable for your best man speech but also any wedding speech that you need to prepare.

Best man jokes

When I was helping Max to write his best man speeches I always struggled with finding some (good) best man jokes and one-liners.

For starters, there was never a definitive selection of best man jokes - I usually had to wade through other best man speeches and then, some of the jokes in those best man speeches were pretty lame and overused. Often, I groaned at the jokes rather than laughed.

Although our philosophy when writing speeches is to write it yourself, there is definitely scope to include jokes in your best man speech. In my mind including jokes is an easy way to ensure that your best man speech is funny.

How will you know if it's funny? Here's the funny best man speech test - if you laugh at the joke when you're sober - imagine how funny the joke will be to the wedding guests after they've had a glass or two of champagne!

1. Wedding Humor - Perfect Woman

Bob is almost 29 years old, his friends have already gotten married, and Bob just dates and dates.

Finally a friend asks him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?" "No," Bob replies. "I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my Mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!" "Listen," his friend suggests, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ol' Mother?" Many weeks go by and again Bob and his friend get together. "So Bob. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?" Bob shrugs his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became fast friends." So do I owe you congratulations? "Are you and this girl engaged, yet?"

"I'm afraid not, I brought her home and my Father didn't like her!

2. Wedding Humor - Pants

A newlywed couple had just arrived in their honeymoon suite. After unpacking, the husband took off his pants. "Put these on," he said to his wife. She did and they were obviously much too large.

"There's no way I can wear these - they're way too big," she said. "Good! Now you know who wears the pants in this family," replied the husband.

Flustered, the wife removed her panties, and handing them to her husband said, "Put these on." The husband looked at the tiny panties and said, "There's no way I can get into your panties."

To which the wife replied, "you're darn right! Not with that attitude!"

3. Wedding Humor - Million Dollar Question

Married for many years, Paul had been ignored by his wife, Liz, for some days, so eventually he confronted her with what he perceived as the problem.

'Come on Liz, admit it,' he ranted, 'You only married me because my granddad left me $6 million, didn't you?'

'You really are silly, Paul,' retorted Liz loudly, 'I couldn't care less who left it to you.'

4. Wedding Humor - Adam

Noticing that Adam appeared somewhat sullen, God asked, "What is wrong with you, Adam?"

Adam said, "I don't have anyone to talk to... to play with... to eat with... except the animals."

God said that he was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a Woman. God said, "This person will gather food for you, and when you discover clothing, she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion when ever you need it."

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?" And the rest is history.

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