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Best Man Speech Structure Made Easy: Steps to a Memorable Toast

Updated: Jul 8, 2023

When writing a funny best man speech, we've found some tried and true methods for getting the wedding guests to laugh. One of these is to include jokes disguised as words of advice.

How do we know it works? Well, if you've had a chuckle at our "words of advice" as you are reading this article then chances are that the other wedding guests will also find your best man toast funny.

Linking To The Advice

If you've decided to include the words of advice as part of your funny best man speech, you need to link to this section - it's pretty easy to do.

If you're a single man you just say something like

"Now I'm told that I should provide some words of advice to the married couple. Because I'm still single I asked around my married friends and this is what they said"

Obviously if you're married then you just say

Now as a married man, I'm told that it's my duty to provide some words of advice to the married couple. Well, [Groom's Name] this is what I've learnt...

Some Examples Of Words Of Advice To Groom

Don't include all of these - just a couple that you think are funny and possibly even that you've heard the bride utter

  • A wife will use the word "fine" to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

  • If your wife is getting dressed and she says "five minutes", this means half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

  • When you ask your wife what's wrong and she replies "nothing" then this is the calm before the storm. This means something and you should be on your toes. I've learnt that arguments that begin with nothing usually end with the word fine.

  • If your wife says "go ahead" this is a dare not permission - don't do it!

  • If your wife gives a loud sigh this is a non verbal statement often misunderstood by a husband. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing there arguing with you about nothing.

  • If your wife says "that's okay" in an argument then be aware that it's one of the most dangerous statements a wife can make to a husband. It means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

  • If you hear your wife saying "Don't worry about it, I've got it" be aware that this is a dangerous statement. This means it's something that she's asked you to do several times but is now doing it herself. This will later result in you asking "What's wrong" and the wife's response will be "nothing"

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